Food for thought…

My instructor posed a question to the group today. “Do you matter? What’s good about you? Why are you important?” As a whole group that’s a good question. It makes you think about those things. 

I was then singled out and asked those questions expected to answer in front of the whole group. I could almost feel my face go red. Of course I matter. I’m a person. Don’t all people matter? I went on to answer about who I am, and why I’m important. 

As if this wasn’t embarrassing enough he then went on to ask the class what they thought about what I had said? Did I convince them I’m important. Do I matter as a person because of what I said? The class said mostly nice things, but I felt like I was put on trial. 

If you’re reading my blog post I want to be clear about something. You matter. You are important. You aren’t a mistake. You have value. If anyone in life has ever made you feel otherwise then they are wrong. I don’t need to defend why I matter to you because I know that I do. The hurt is there but that will go away in a couple days because who I am is rooted in who I belong to. God doesn’t make mistakes. He doesn’t see me as worthless. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. 

I keep coming back to this verse. If you’re struggling with your identity and how you think about yourself. Read this and soak it in. It’s been a comfort tonight. “But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light.” I could probably post verse after verse about how God sees you and me. I’ll leave you with this though because it’s been a long night.

Sorry, that I’ve been MIA. Read below because I just wrote out my update on life. :) :) :) :)

Do you have the old pair of sweatpants that are worn in all all the right areas? You know the ones you wear on your worst days because they are familiar? 

I have a pair of sweatpants that I just described above, and I love them. I was folding them from my basket of clean laundry today, and I just kind of breathed a sigh of relief because even though my life may seem very chaotic; as if it’s spinning out of control, this still remains normal. 

It seems like my whole life is spinning around, and I’m just holding on waiting for life to slow down, so I can catch my breath. I don’t like to complain. I understand my life could be worse than this, and many are dealing with a lot more than I am. I did tell you, as my readers, that I would be honest with you though. 

So here goes. I’m struggling. I’m struggling to juggle everything and I feel like I’m going to drop the ball on something, and it will explode in my face. Can anyone sympathize with this fear? 

It feels like my whole identity right now is being sucked up into school and work. It’s about my grades, and succeeding, well what if I fail? What then? 

I have so many people counting on me to do well, and some days, I just feel like it’s too much pressure. I grew up hearing my mom talking to my dad about how well she was doing in college. She like always got A’s and it never looked like she struggled, and that’s a lot to live up to. 

I mean I know my mom will love me if I don’t get A’s, but I mean it isn’t like she’s going to brag about a C. Ya know? 

I am just kind of praying someone realizes how hard I am trying. I think I’ve studied, and worked almost all my waking hours this week. If I had to sum up my life right now…I would probably say it’s a mess. I am not accepting defeat though, I mean the semester ends in December, right? I’m almost there. I can survive at this pace, right? 😉 

Comment, like, Follow.* I love to hear from you, guys!! I also wouldn’t mind little comments of encouragement. (Hint* hint*)