Wanted

I am going to tell you about some of the lies that run through someones head while they are battling anxiety. These lies are not something that you can easily silence. It isn’t something where you can just tell yourself the truth and move on. Why am I telling you this? I think people lose their patience with those struggling with anxiety. They want them to just feel better, and from personal experience we’re trying. We’d love to not feel this way even more than you’d like us not to feel this way. 

  • Lie number one

You are a burden. 

I feel this way all the time. I feel like if I tell people how I feel, or I’m honest that people won’t want to be around me because I’m too much to deal with. I hate this feeling. I hate feeling trapped in my own head because I’m too worried to talk to someone about how I am feeling. 

  • Lie number two

This is never going to get better. 

When something goes wrong in my life I worry it to death. I never see a way out or around it. I just worry that I’m always going to be where I am. I worry that things will never change. I worry that my life is always going to be as messy as it is in that moment. 

I’m giving you a glimpse into my day to day thoughts by showing you those two. I am doing this to ask you to be patient with those around you. Don’t just assume someone is weird, annoying, or not worth your time because you don’t know what they live through on a day to day bases. Don’t make them feel like a burden. 

I challenge you during this season to love people with your whole heart, and to love them loudly. I challenge you to find something great about the people in your life that you struggle to love because there is greatness in everyone. I challenge you to make everyone around you feel accepted; wanted even! People matter and it’s time we start showing it. 

In case no one told you recently.

For those of you with families or friends who have mental illnesses. I just wanted to stop, and say that you’re doing a good job. You have been consistent, and kind, and encouraging. You are strong, and can be depended on. I don’t know if anyone has stopped recently to tell you that you’re doing a good job because heaven knows we doubt ourselves somedays. You love someone who doesn’t always know how to love themselves, or anyone else…SO you are doing a good job! 

If you’re anything like me and have bad days that go without notice because you’re too afraid to speak up because someone you would normally talk to has a mental illness. Let me just say that you’re not doing yourself any good. You are a caregiver. You are a servant. You are also human. You will have bad days, and deserve to talk them out. If you’ve ever felt like you didn’t deserve the chance to talk things out because of how someone else might be feeling you were wrong. Your family and friends should be the first to listen to you “whine” on the bad days despite their own issues. 

I understand how difficult it can be though. You open your mouth, and then they start talking about a bad day, or how bad their depression, or anxiety is right now, and you feel like your problem is small in comparison. There are the other days when you start talking, and all they do is go on, and on about themselves. You feel like banging your head against a wall, right? I’ve been there. If you’re anything like me you just wanted someone to listen. You didn’t need advice, or for someone to make it better, but to talk it out makes you feel like you have some power over the situation. 

I know having a mental illness can’t be easy, but being the person supporting that person isn’t a walk in the park either. I have days like today when I have to take a step back because I live in a world of no excuses. I do what needs to be done because I am an adult. People with mental illnesses can’t always have that same get up, and go attitude. It becomes frustrating at times, and it’s okay to lose your patience. There will be days of heated conversation because you finally lost your temper after hearing, “but I can’t because….”(insert the excuse that you hear all to often here.) 

Take a breather, and get back in there. You are still doing a good job even when you have an “episode.”

Sensitive subject warning** Remember, my blog…MY OPINION.

This is a sensitive subject.* Please do not get offended. You don’t have to agree with me. I am using my blog to express my opinion. BLESSINGS to you! 

There are a bunch of helpful tips on the internet about living with a mental illness, but very little for the ones who live with the person with the mental illness or, are close to them. I mean, there is some information, but it doesn’t really explain what it’s like. You learn that from experience. 

I rarely lose it. I am a control freak, and I can normally talk myself down from freaking out when my life has to be arranged around someones triggers. I lost it last night though. Do you want to know the reason behind so many thing things in my life? “It’s PTSD.” 

I hate PTSD. I don’t hate the person that has it. I hate that it makes this person someone that I don’t know. I used to feel bad every time I went get angry because of this, but no…I have the right to get upset. 

It’s normal to feel upset at something like this. 

Do you know what it’s like to be snapped at for something that isn’t your fault, and then hear the excuse “it’s PTSD.” You start to believe that you just have to nod, and forgive, but you don’t. Having a mental illness does not give someone the right to hurt you. 

Do you understand this. You have the right to be upset. You don’t have to just forgive. 

I mean there should be a group for us. Don’t you think? The ones who live with survivors. 😉 I LOVE THIS PERSON, okay? Do not get me wrong. I just know every day is kind of the same story, and it feels like we’ve been stuck in the same chapter for years. 

You have to right to be upset. You don’t have to just forgive. Yes, it’s good that you still love said person. 

You have to be the support a lot, and no this isn’t a choice. Yes, that sucks. I was thrown into this role, and there are days when I wonder, what it would have been like if this hadn’t been such a big part of my life. It’s okay to wonder. It doesn’t mean you don’t love the person. It doesn’t make you a bad person. You’re human. 

You have the right to be upset. You don’t have to just forgive. Yes, it’s good that you still love said person, and please don’t forget you are human. 

I have to say, I’ve been on this ride for many years, and it’s made me a stronger, more understanding person. I can relate to people better, and people don’t call me “Snow White” for no reason. I am a better person because of living with someone with PTSD, but it doesn’t make it easy. Never forget that you have just as much right as they do, to not be okay. 

You have the right to get upset, you don’t have to just forgive, and yes, it’s good that you still love said person. Don’t forget you are human, and have just as much right as they do to not be okay. You are strong. 

To all of you living with mental illnesses. Give us a break sometimes. We are trying to be supportive, but sometimes it drives us mad to always hear the same excuses. Be creative… 😉 We realize you’re just trying to survive the day, but so are we.